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Have had problems with my broadband for a few days then I discovered the land line was dead. So I called EE and got the usual press 1 for this, press 4 for that, meanwhile we're running up the cost of this call. Then after 5 minutes of Muzak shite I was rudely interrupted by a human. Well I say human, he had a Geordie accent. After discovering I didn't actually want to buy anything, I was put through to technical support. " hello, what's the problem?"..."MY LANDLINE IS DEAD"......" Can you speak more slowly please?"......."MY....LANDLINE....IS....DEAD"....."so is your landline working?"..."NO". ...."yes?"....he then started mumbling but I didn't understand one word( and he asked ME to talk slowly remember ?). " EXCUSE ME , BUT WHERE ARE YOU?".... "You are talking to technical support"...."IN WHAT PART OF THE WORLD ARE YOU AT THIS PRESENT TIME?"...." India"... "GOODBYE". I then went online using my iPad to fill out an email enquiry which was more convoluted than the phone system I had just encountered. dear EE, Our home phone line (0208 xxx xxxx)is dead. It also appears to be affecting our broadband. I phoned customer services and after about a 5 minute wait I got through to someone who then transferred me to technical support in India. The person I spoke to couldn't understand basic English and he asked ME to talk slowly. I was asked "is your telephone line working" so I said "no". I was then told " so it's working yes". I ended the conversation. Can someone who can understand English please sort this problem out please? Many thanks, Mr Smegma (Smegma with an S @aol.com)
The div has since left an answerphone message on my mobile. He mumbles for 15 seconds and the only word I could understand was "technical support". There's a 20 second gap and he mumbles again. Then another 10 second gap and some more mumbling. Wasn't life so much easier when we only had British Telecom ( Post Office before that!) British Gas etc.... I blame that Finney fella.
( feel better now)
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Don't you just hate call centres? on 10:24 - Dec 3 with 2489 views
I feel your pain. I previously wrote the following after a particularly loathesome experience with a call centre:
I've just spent about seven f**king hours listening to some automaton telling me how much they value my call, although that value evidently stops just short of paying someone to actually answer the f**king thing, eventually to be told that I'd got through to the wrong department; which must be just about impossible given how bloody specific I had to be when navigating through those f**king pathetic menus which might as well say "press seven if you want to piss away another precious hour of your life whilst listening to Vivaldi played on a child's organ," so that finally when I get through to someone I ought to be speaking to the person whose sole job it is to alter the dates of direct debits and nothing else, yet somehow I'm in the wrong pissing department so I have to be transferred from one 17 year old f**king retard to another, based at some other human battery farm where you are only allowed to speak the words written out for you in a script and where if you dare to show so much as one, measly ounce of humanity, you are crushed like a f**king fly by the corporate machine... and I wan't to go round there personally and machine gun every last f**king one of them but inside I know its not really their fault because they are just trying to fund their cannabis habits on minimum wage - which isn't easy - so I end up apologising to them for asking such an awkward question as "please can you change my direct debit?" and then I feel dirty and ashamed at being a part of this ridiculous charade, whilst a £4 billion computer whirs away in the background, singularly failing to properly action my miniscule request, a failure which will eventually find its way onto one of those "tell us about our service" feedback questionnaires which serve no purpose other than to employ a few £500 per hour f**king business process consultants who can use them to produce a poxy graph to present to the board which says "good" and has a line going upwards, so that they can all pat each other on the back and give themselves an extra bloody dividend that will pay for the Chief Executive's daughter Jemima to spend eight months in Tuscany "finding herself" (before heading for Uni at Oxford) by shagging a swarthy Italian labourer in the back of a tractor, and before I can even put the bloody phone down I have to spend another two minutes being thanked for my call by this f**king idiot who sounds like he's reading out the "terms and conditions may apply, all offers subject to availability..." bit you hear at the end of radio adverts and when I finally do put the phone down, my will to live is gone and I just want to curl up in a little ball and cry like a baby.
Opinionated weather forecasters telling me it's going to be a miserable day. Miserable to who? I quite like a bit of drizzle, so stick to the facts.
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Don't you just hate call centres? on 10:56 - Dec 3 with 2442 views
I have had an ongoing issue with sky re one of my sky plus boxes which are now over 7 years old.
My third call which was to be the call where I was going to say we have tried all the different ways to try and solve the problem.
Prior to this it had been helpful jocks who followed all procedures. Was told if it goes again then they would send an engineer round who would decide if the box needed replacing.....fair doooos
So I phone on this third occasion and get through to India ...should have put the phone down there and then but want the matter resolved.
Had to go through the whole testing Shiite again but every time there was a pause he would say
And how are you today Mr enfield Ok if you can sort me out
Then again in next pause how are you today Mr enfield Same as I was two minutes ago when u asked me the first time
I had decided to be calm and polite and not bite this poor peasant with a degree in nuclear physco physics and be as pleasant as possible
I carry on going through the same checks then he says What did you have for your diner.....was it fish and chips?
Why did you say that? Nothing in response
One minute later Did you have fish and chips for your dinner?
I wanted to explode but kept calm and said No I had chicken madras mattar paneer chana masala with nan
He took notice, you had that, why not fish and chips.........
I don't understand why, when I've already had to type in my account number, the operator I eventually gets through to (naturally ignoring phrases like 'hello' and 'thank you for calling' interrupts me off the bat with 'can I have your account t number, please?'.
I've just typed the shaggin' thing IN!!!
"The opposite of love, after all, is not hate, but indifference."
Quite a few companies have started a new craze - the Irish gas board, in particular, just love this one - of ringing customers up out of the blue and starting by asking for security details.
Naturally, I'm loathe to give my details to anyone ringing from a number I don't recognise. Add this to their general haughty and entitled tone, and it's not long before I'm adopting a stubborn but infuriatingly polite tone in return
"Good morning Mr. McCarthy, this is Bórd Gais" "'Morning, how's things?" "Fine thank you, could you begin by stating your account number, full name and address, please" "No, sorry" "I'm sorry, Sir?" "No, I can't give you those" "But we need to ascertain who are you are before we can proceed, Sir" "And I can't proceed until I ascertain who you are" "But...in that case...I can't proceed with the call..." "Oh, sorry about that..is there anything else I can do for you?" "But this call is important, Sir" "Not to me, it isn't" ...humongous pause while call centre person short-circuits...... "I'm sorry, Sir...but I can't proceed" "Ok, you take it easy now"
It's the little victories that are the sweetest.
"The opposite of love, after all, is not hate, but indifference."
I got that Sky india one when I was helping a girl I know set up her net.
The Indian lady on the other end wasn't having that she had the Window's Vista instructions not the (then new) Windows 7 one. Eventually it turns out I was right.
She did apologise after to be fair. Took bloody ages.
Beer and Beef has made us what we are - The Prince Regent
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Don't you just hate call centres? on 11:40 - Dec 3 with 2374 views
Don't you just hate call centres? on 11:36 - Dec 3 by Metallica_Hoop
I got that Sky india one when I was helping a girl I know set up her net.
The Indian lady on the other end wasn't having that she had the Window's Vista instructions not the (then new) Windows 7 one. Eventually it turns out I was right.
She did apologise after to be fair. Took bloody ages.
Did the girl you know have ginger hair and wear all black?
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Don't you just hate call centres? on 11:44 - Dec 3 with 2359 views
Don't you just hate call centres? on 11:19 - Dec 3 by BrianMcCarthy
Quite a few companies have started a new craze - the Irish gas board, in particular, just love this one - of ringing customers up out of the blue and starting by asking for security details.
Naturally, I'm loathe to give my details to anyone ringing from a number I don't recognise. Add this to their general haughty and entitled tone, and it's not long before I'm adopting a stubborn but infuriatingly polite tone in return
"Good morning Mr. McCarthy, this is Bórd Gais" "'Morning, how's things?" "Fine thank you, could you begin by stating your account number, full name and address, please" "No, sorry" "I'm sorry, Sir?" "No, I can't give you those" "But we need to ascertain who are you are before we can proceed, Sir" "And I can't proceed until I ascertain who you are" "But...in that case...I can't proceed with the call..." "Oh, sorry about that..is there anything else I can do for you?" "But this call is important, Sir" "Not to me, it isn't" ...humongous pause while call centre person short-circuits...... "I'm sorry, Sir...but I can't proceed" "Ok, you take it easy now"
It's the little victories that are the sweetest.
Our phone has an answerphone that you hear if anyone leaves a message. As soon as we hear " good afternoon Mr Smegma" we ignore it. One day my daughter , who was about 7 at the time, answered it. Overhearing her it went thus " hello, are you a company? My mum and dad said to never talk to you as you are trying to trick us into into buying something we don't need. Goodbye". She then put the receiver down. A mate tells a story of a roofing company who phoned offering residential upgrade work courtesy of a government scheme. He kept the guy on the phone for 10 minutes and kept asking a " are you sure you can do the job on any property?". Then he gave his address as the 4th floor of a tower block! The caller was very indignant and called my mate a pisstaker.
I'm a motorclaims handler so deal with insurance call centres on a daily basis the worst are the offshore ones Aviva & Zurich ( based in India)
The people are rude and basically haven't a clue what day of the week it s let alone what is going on with the motorclaim most of the time they will just email the "handling team " to call us back who never do and we go through the whole cycle again a week later
A claim that should take 7-14 days max usually last around 3-6 months with these companies
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Don't you just hate call centres? on 12:28 - Dec 3 with 2251 views
If all call centre staff are like those pillocks at that Welsh call centre as shown on Ch 4 I think it is, then there is not much hope for any of us getting anything solved. What planet or universe do these air headed numb nuts originate from?
There aint half been some clever bastards.
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Don't you just hate call centres? on 13:47 - Dec 3 with 2120 views
Don't you just hate call centres? on 11:19 - Dec 3 by BrianMcCarthy
Quite a few companies have started a new craze - the Irish gas board, in particular, just love this one - of ringing customers up out of the blue and starting by asking for security details.
Naturally, I'm loathe to give my details to anyone ringing from a number I don't recognise. Add this to their general haughty and entitled tone, and it's not long before I'm adopting a stubborn but infuriatingly polite tone in return
"Good morning Mr. McCarthy, this is Bórd Gais" "'Morning, how's things?" "Fine thank you, could you begin by stating your account number, full name and address, please" "No, sorry" "I'm sorry, Sir?" "No, I can't give you those" "But we need to ascertain who are you are before we can proceed, Sir" "And I can't proceed until I ascertain who you are" "But...in that case...I can't proceed with the call..." "Oh, sorry about that..is there anything else I can do for you?" "But this call is important, Sir" "Not to me, it isn't" ...humongous pause while call centre person short-circuits...... "I'm sorry, Sir...but I can't proceed" "Ok, you take it easy now"
Don't you just hate call centres? on 11:36 - Dec 3 by Metallica_Hoop
I got that Sky india one when I was helping a girl I know set up her net.
The Indian lady on the other end wasn't having that she had the Window's Vista instructions not the (then new) Windows 7 one. Eventually it turns out I was right.
She did apologise after to be fair. Took bloody ages.
Just recently my son, not known for his etiquette (Smegma will confirm this) had several calls from an insurance company asking about the recent accident he'd had, which of course was non-existant and just trying it on to get some business.
After the fourth call, he just said, 'listen mate, do yourself a favour and just f*ck off as your about as useless as your wife when I was f*cking her up the a*se last night'
He then ended the call. Less than a minute later, the same bloke calls back and says in a really loud, enraged voice, 'my wife is better than your mother because I was f*cking her last night!'
We were pi*sing ourselves with laughter.
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Don't you just hate call centres? on 14:22 - Dec 3 with 2074 views
Don't you just hate call centres? on 13:47 - Dec 3 by enfieldargh
Loved Milligan, but Christ his stuff suffers in retrospect when he dealt with Ireland. For a man so proud to be Irish, that clip is so typical of his stuff and the stereotypes he perpetuated - drunk, stupid, can't count, can't speak properly etc. He was one of my comic heroes, I think some of his stuff was of the highest quality, and he got me into Python, Pete and Dud and all the other great stuff I still love, but when he produced stuff like this I always wondered what I'd think if Bernard Manning's name was on it.
"The opposite of love, after all, is not hate, but indifference."
Don't you just hate call centres? on 14:15 - Dec 3 by Sudbury_Hill_R
Just recently my son, not known for his etiquette (Smegma will confirm this) had several calls from an insurance company asking about the recent accident he'd had, which of course was non-existant and just trying it on to get some business.
After the fourth call, he just said, 'listen mate, do yourself a favour and just f*ck off as your about as useless as your wife when I was f*cking her up the a*se last night'
He then ended the call. Less than a minute later, the same bloke calls back and says in a really loud, enraged voice, 'my wife is better than your mother because I was f*cking her last night!'
We were pi*sing ourselves with laughter.
Worst thing you can do there Sudbury is say things like that
when I was a manager for a company many years ago that specialised in recovering Defaulted debt the agents would get untold sh*t and threats of people, all they would do is store the numbers and addresses and would call them back at say 12am in the evening (off a withheld number) and give it back or send skips, pizza's and mini cabs to there addresses,
And Bowles is onside, Swinburne has come rushing out of his goal , what can Bowles do here , onto the left foot no, on to the right foot
That’s there that’s two, and that’s Bowles
Brian Moore
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Don't you just hate call centres? on 14:51 - Dec 3 with 2025 views
Don't you just hate call centres? on 14:34 - Dec 3 by paulparker
Worst thing you can do there Sudbury is say things like that
when I was a manager for a company many years ago that specialised in recovering Defaulted debt the agents would get untold sh*t and threats of people, all they would do is store the numbers and addresses and would call them back at say 12am in the evening (off a withheld number) and give it back or send skips, pizza's and mini cabs to there addresses,
Probably correct, but fingers crossed, nothing yet. I'm sure the guy was calling from somewhere in Asia.
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Don't you just hate call centres? on 15:00 - Dec 3 with 2013 views
Don't you just hate call centres? on 14:51 - Dec 3 by Sudbury_Hill_R
Probably correct, but fingers crossed, nothing yet. I'm sure the guy was calling from somewhere in Asia.
its the ones in the UK , as the agents all hang around together getting out their heads they then get together and do said actions I only know as we were called in and had to sack about 14 people over it
And Bowles is onside, Swinburne has come rushing out of his goal , what can Bowles do here , onto the left foot no, on to the right foot
That’s there that’s two, and that’s Bowles
Brian Moore
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Don't you just hate call centres? on 17:49 - Dec 3 with 1909 views
Don't you just hate call centres? on 14:22 - Dec 3 by BrianMcCarthy
Loved Milligan, but Christ his stuff suffers in retrospect when he dealt with Ireland. For a man so proud to be Irish, that clip is so typical of his stuff and the stereotypes he perpetuated - drunk, stupid, can't count, can't speak properly etc. He was one of my comic heroes, I think some of his stuff was of the highest quality, and he got me into Python, Pete and Dud and all the other great stuff I still love, but when he produced stuff like this I always wondered what I'd think if Bernard Manning's name was on it.
I had to deal with India when the old Dell laptop went wrong. I have to say that the bloke was actually very helpful. I'll always remember his name: PRASHANT DIKSHIT
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Don't you just hate call centres? on 20:40 - Dec 3 with 1789 views
Don't you just hate call centres? on 14:22 - Dec 3 by BrianMcCarthy
Loved Milligan, but Christ his stuff suffers in retrospect when he dealt with Ireland. For a man so proud to be Irish, that clip is so typical of his stuff and the stereotypes he perpetuated - drunk, stupid, can't count, can't speak properly etc. He was one of my comic heroes, I think some of his stuff was of the highest quality, and he got me into Python, Pete and Dud and all the other great stuff I still love, but when he produced stuff like this I always wondered what I'd think if Bernard Manning's name was on it.
If all call centres were full of Spike Milligan type characters, then I think I would enjoy calling them. Spike was not the only 'Irish' comedian to send up the Irish in a stereotypical way. Dave Allen another very funny man often did and a clutch of modern day Irish comedians do too, but I know what you mean by Bernard Manning or Jim Davidson types sending them up. Not good.
There aint half been some clever bastards.
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Don't you just hate call centres? on 21:25 - Dec 3 with 1756 views
Don't you just hate call centres? on 20:40 - Dec 3 by Monahoop
If all call centres were full of Spike Milligan type characters, then I think I would enjoy calling them. Spike was not the only 'Irish' comedian to send up the Irish in a stereotypical way. Dave Allen another very funny man often did and a clutch of modern day Irish comedians do too, but I know what you mean by Bernard Manning or Jim Davidson types sending them up. Not good.
About 30 years ago I took the mrs to a restaurant in whetstone North london.
It had recently opened and the lighting was extremely dim. We were eating when spike comes in wearing black jeans, black shirt and what were called baseball boots which are now converse.
He sits down, the waiter bring him the menu. Spike then produces a ruddy great torch from God knows where , turns it on and reads the menu
Don't you just hate call centres? on 13:47 - Dec 3 by enfieldargh
(edit: replied to wrong post...this was meant to be a reply to brian's 'seinfeld/telemarketer' post.)
absolutely no bull, i was halfway through the clip when i got a call from a woman * who wanted to offer me a ''unique investment opportunity''. when i told her what she'd interrupted, she must have decided i was an unlikely prospect because she hung up.
last week i had a curry-flavoured voice who said he was alan and he wanted to tell about sola rebates. ''alan, your name is alan?''...''yes,'' heproudly replied, ''alan at-KIN-son''.
* it must be a bad day for it. when i got to that point in typing i got another call (aussie, this time) from the heart foundation (nothing wrong with that). trouble was, she called me ''ma'am'' twice. i queried her choice of address, even spelling it. ''but i'm a man'' i protested. my life is f*cking sad.
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