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So what's the new song ?
at 07:07 29 Jul 2025

When I was approached by the Controller of BBC Radio 3 with the offer of a commission for the new Julien Stephan cantata I readily accepted.

I had no qualms about this being a waste of the license fee. After all, if money could be found for Claudia Winkleman presenting a ‘Traitors Prom’ - with presumably Bradley Walsh’s ‘Blankety-Blank Prom’ to come - why not lay the talents honed by my lonely years of training at the Ian Guillard School of Music in New York at the service of true popular culture?

However it wasn’t long before I became aware of the challenges that lay ahead as I started to engage with the project. ‘Ode to Marti’ was spoken of with hushed reverence and had been accorded mystical powers - as if merely singing it out loud could change the course of history.

At the same time there were obvious possibilities for improvement. Both Stephan and Marti are immensely proud of the region from which they originated. Unfortunately in Martií’s case this could not be referenced directly - given that the nearest rhyme for ‘Catalonia’ is ‘catatonia’, with its dangerously dismal connotations and ‘Matalan’ for ‘Catalan’ being scarcely better. Stephan’s Breton pride provided greater opportunities for an inventive lyricist.

In other respects continuity was my watchword. The scorn and derision with which Stravinsky’s ‘Rite of Spring’ was received by the philistine Parisian public would be as nothing compared to the reception I could anticipate should I dare to omit the famous last line of ‘Ode to Martí’, with its trenchant combination of passion and wit.

Rhythmically matters were likewise more straightforward. I am, of course, aware of the many polyphonic and polyrhythmic time signatures that plague the modern game...6/8, 13/8, 4/2/3/1 etc but I prefer to stick with a more traditional 4/4 rhythm, since it is better suited to a mass choral work and also reflects the club’s continuing lack of an effective strikeforce .

Enough! I lay this humble contribution at the feet of my peers and await your judgement. Please do not allow tradition to deafen you to its merits. Remember: without experiment there can be no progress.

To the tune of ‘Volare’:
Ju-li-an (Oh-oh-oh-oh!’)
Ste-e-phan (Oh-oh-oh-oh!)
He comes from Brittany
He f**kin hates Chelsea

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Colback and Fox - Are they gone already ??
at 09:31 28 Jun 2025

Assuming Kenneth Paal is going, if we lose Fox and Colback would that leave us with JCS and Sam Field as our only naturally left-sided players?

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The QPR summer managers rumours thread
at 23:05 8 May 2025

It feels like I’m more optimistic than most as I am hoping that the process to find the next manager/head coach/whatever will be the same one that found Martí.

My money is on Synho (someone you’ve never heard of).

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