Last nyt we ad a BBQ but it weren't the same wivout u.

Wen my Dad stopped playin some crap called The Smiths, I played every Calvin Harris song on my ipod on repeat, like u babe a talented young Scotsman and that video with him n Rhianna cud av bin me and u darlin...

With Howson, I cud accept it, he ad a funny nose, pointy up like and the same haircut for years, Bradley Johnson too many tattoos and bad teeth but u babe were well fit and even wen u said u liked Michael Buble it didn't put me off one bit. But ain't even sure where Norwich is?

My Uncle Terry, a dog Botherers fan, mocked my new Leeds shirt cuz it has ur name on it babe. He see sommat about ur mate McCormack being the next one from "yids" and ta for Adam Clayton - prat!

So I hid behind the trampoline wiv a 2 litre bottle of cider and blocked out the pain I av felt since the Daily Star sed u had signed 4 Norwich.

Eventually I crawled 2 my bed and cried myself to sleep. Ur just another selfish footballer after all?!

I'm 16 on October 27th next year and as Warnock sed, u ad ur head turned and this Chris Hughton name keeps cumin up, who's she I wonder? Little bitch no doubt, bet u take her Macky D's or is Nando's ur thing now Mr Big Shot? Christine Bleakley is a well-known WAG but I ain't even heard of this Chrissie Hughton WAG? Is she a model? Is she off BB? I bet she ain't even famous enough to be on "Celebrity Juice" - Chrissy Hughton? BANG TIDY - not!!!!!

Still on my 16th, my mam is going to take me into New Look in Wakey and I will go in a girl and come out a wag and show u wat u av missed out on babe! Just think if u hadn't had ur head turned by that slut Chrissie Hughton u cud have took me 2 Scotland in ur BMW 2 meet ur mam n dad and we cud have had Irn Bru and Tunnocks Wafers and we cud av gone to T in the park and I cud av bin ur "Teenage Dream" like Katy Perry.......

But no Mr Big Shot sum slag called Chrissie Hughton has spoil it for us both, you'll see when ur tired of Norwich don't come crawling back here cos ur name is dirt in East Ardsley u Scots muppet!

I've got my eye on Dominic Poloeon now anyway, he's much fitter than u Snodgrass and even if he ain't interested in me I've still got Calvin Harris!

Jemima Jennings, aged 14 and 3/4 ters

Photo: Action Images

Derby County Polls