A sad end to a difficult season for QPR and their manager Marti Cifuentes, comprehensively beasted and soundly thrashed by promoted Burnley at Loftus Road on Saturday.

This week’s episode of “The Overlap” – which I’m sure you, like I, never miss – was a wonderful thing for QPR fans, for two reasons.

The first is that Wayne Rooney was one of the guests. Frequent media appearances can often mean the personality is openly courting new employment – oh look, it’s Will Still on Monday Night Football. As Plymouth this weekend became Rooney’s third relegation from the Championship in three attempts, the idea Spud might possibly be back in this division next season should gladden the hearts at clubs like ours. There’s one opponent, straight away, we can write off as seven different levels of screwed.

The second is one of the Man City-orientated FIFA Ultimate Teams lads in the audience – ManLikeErling, MentalGrealish, LewisSzn, McAteeHive, I forget his name – invited Wazza to comment on the conspiracy theory the Premier League’s sainted “Aguerooooooooooooo” moment was, in fact, a complete fix. QPR know they’re safe, City score two goals in the final two minutes of injury time, City fan Nedum Onuoha is all handshakes, Shaun Wright-Phillips likewise, Djibril Cisse is openly celebrating with Samir Nasri. Meanwhile, United left to mooch around the pitch at Sunderland. Rooney reckons: “That should have been looked into”.

Please, somebody, somewhere, look into it. Look into it and look into it again. I cannot begin to describe how deeply and longingly I wish that it was fixed. After the Cantona goal at Loftus Road in 1996, I hope it was fixed. I hope it was fixed as fuck. I hope we did it deliberately and spent the money on hookers and blow. Hooray for us and our bent result. A winning goal scored at a point in the game which Man Utd had been treated to so often, by so many referees, that 30 years later wankers still refer to it as “Fergie time”. Bite me. My only regret is Onuoha didn’t turn round and whack the thing in himself then run off celebrating. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on. You R’s.

The reasons it was, sadly, not fixed, are exactly the reasons people think it could be. “QPR completed 78 passes in 100 minutes of football”. That’s one of our good days, we’ll do that against far worse teams than Man City. “Look how they kick off, just whacking it straight out and giving them the ball back”. We kick off like that now, mate. “Taye Taiwo just goes to ground in the box.” Taye Taiwo who’s best remembered at QPR for tackling a geezer with his face? Oh, he’ll go to ground, you don’t have to tip extra for that.

The simple, sad fact is QPR are not very good at football. Not then, and certainly not now. Bring a legal case against us and we can bury you in video tape. Exhibit one can be Saturday’s game against Burnley. You sit through that and tell me that’s a club capable of fixing anything other than its finger up its arse.

I shan’t take my coat off, I’m not stopping, but we’ll do a few paragraphs on Burnley - unbeaten in 32 games and cruising towards a 100 point total in winning promotion.

If you’re a Championship club with money, Scott Parker is a good option for you. He got a Fulham team with Aleksandar Mitrovic up front promoted from this division and did the same with Dominic Solanke-led Bournemouth. The pattern is the same. He’ll sign loads of players – Burnley have recruited 19 for an estimated cost of £46m (29 left, recouping £90m). His teams never concede, there are many 0-0 draws, and much of it is borderline unwatchable. Come May, they’re promoted. We had Burnley second in our season preview. Our next prediction was they lose ten of their first 12 games in the topflight next season, Parker gets the sack to be replaced by whichever name is knocking around for their star-struck owners, and he’s back in the Championship again 18 months down the line singing the same song again at, perhaps, Leicester or, maybe, Wolves.

They’ve basically gone play for play with what we said -15 goals let in all season, 29 clean sheets, a league record dozen 0-0 draws – but I think you, I and everyone else have to hold hands up a bit to this performance. This is the best team I’ve seen QPR play at this level since Rafa Benitez was pissing about in the second tier with Newcastle, and this is Rangers’ biggest defeat since that Magpies outfit won here 6-0 in 2016. The Clarets scored five times, had the ball in the net on another four occasions only to be pulled back by the officials for this and that, were denied by multiple unlikely goalline clearances as Jimmy Dunne, Liam Morrison and particularly Ronnie Edwards desperately tried to hold back the tide.

As one-sided a game as you’ll ever likely see between two teams ostensibly in the same league.

It was 3-0 before the half hour mark and if we run through the notes for that half hour it’s clear QPR were very fortunate to get away with just three goals conceded.

Three minutes, Mejbri tricks and teases his way down the left, Anthony surges into the area breezing past challenges far too easily, shot fired wide. Six minutes, Dunne’s delayed pass catastrophically deflects across into his own area and only Ronnie Edwards’ desperate intervention prevents a walk in first. Eight minutes, a walk in first – Josh Cullen tiptoeing through the tulips to slide past the stranded Nardi. 11 minutes, Anthony torches Dunne for pace, cuts it back to Flemming whose shot is blocked. Quarter hour, Conor Roberts scores, ruled out for a marginal offside – deserves to be flagged for the moustache alone to be fair. Four minutes later, torn apart down the right hand side, Dunne denies at first with an incredible goalline clearance, can’t rescue it again with his head and that’s 2-0 for Flemming. When Burnley visited that flank again moments later they busted Rangers wide open once more and Brownhill chipped across for Flemming to head home. Soon Paul Nardi was stumbling in possession and only because first Morrison and then Edwards got back to the line was it not 4-0. Flemming dominated throughout winning everything in air and on ground.

This was just the first half an hour. If this lot hadn’t chilled out a bit thereafter we could have been looking at double figures. A full 90 minutes at this pace and tempo and we’d have Orla Guerin live broadcasting from outside the smouldering wreckage by mid-afternoon.

Rangers were particularly vulnerable down their left. Kenneth Paal, who’s looked checked out for a while, was no opponent for Koleosho, and as we’ve repeatedly said Karamoko Dembele offers not even token help to whichever full back he’s picked in front of. It was chop night at the butcher’s shop out there all afternoon – an absolute carve up.

Wherever you looked, Rangers were overawed. The space. My God, the space we afforded them. Goalkeeper calmly knocking 35 yard balls into midfield to some geezer in 50 square feet of real estate. But also Burnley’s physicality, their fitness, their work rate off the ball, their off-ball runs, the reverse movement going on down the opposite side of the field to where the play was, the amount of times Koleosho/Roberts or Anthony/Pires sprinted diagonally across the pitch to clear up some minor crises happening on the opposite wing to where they played. It was like they had 14 men out there, all of them bigger, faster, stronger, fitter and better looking than our players. I wonder if their head of performance lives in Dubai?

The bit that mystifies idiots like me is if you’ve got these players, and they can play like that, why on earth do you piss away so much time steadfastly grinding out 0-0 draws against Oxford, Preston, Derby, Stoke…? Even this QPR team got a 0-0 at Turf Moor in the first meeting. You look at Burnley here, a fantastic team, and you wonder whether even promoted with 100 points is actually an under achievement.

They were sensational, unplayable.

Thankfully, they dakkered off a bit after half time and only scored twice more. Allowed to flick and trick and tip and tap and dance and sing around the QPR penalty box (shoot her, SHOOOOOOOOT HER) in the end Flemming and Sarmiento scored between them on the hour with a shot deflected so much it’s pretty much an own goal. To make sure, Sarmiento swept home a fifth of his own in stoppage time from Nathan Redmond’s cross.

At one point the visitors started playing a two-touch rondo on their own goalline. If James Trafford played for QPR, he’d be our best central midfielder. Things did get marginally better half time when Nicolas Madsen, whose first half was summed up by an invitation to have a free shot from the edge of the box which he landed on the fast through tracks at Acton Main Line, and Dembele were removed. On came Michael Frey, three clubs in the bag and it’s all the same club, and Ilias Chair, who is at least a footballer. Emmerson Sutton also made a welcome second appearance, and almost got away into the clear at one point before being monstered in full stride by the supreme Maxime Esteve who covers ground like a young Danny Shittu. What a player he looks.

When a chance finally did come the way of the home side and Jack Colback put a boot through a solid effort from 15 yards that surely had to find the net, Trafford somehow sprawled left and saved it down in the bottom corner. As good a stop as you’ll see this season, or any season for a long time. Parker’s team celebrated like they’d scored. Just so desperate for clean sheets and defensive records, even in largely meaningless games. Grow up.

Against such opposition, with nothing to play for, and with so many first team players missing, it’s difficult to know really what QPR could have done. Still, the lack of any real resistance at all from us as the home team was difficult to sit through. Dennis Bergkamp's Arsenal, okay, fine. But 5-0 home defeats are otherwise always preventable, and never acceptable. Home fans ironically cheering token efforts on goal against a team that put the cue on the rack hours before full time. Pathetic, really. An insult to the steadfast, loyal support.

Hannibal Mejbri, one of the division’s most combustible characters, with a fuse as short as a gnat’s cock hair, was booked after eight minutes for tripping Harrison Ashby. Disciplinary tightrope? QPR never went near him again. Never asked that question. Divs.

The second half seemed to turn into a Who Doesn’t Want To Go To Sunderland Next Week? competition. Referee James Linington, excellent as always, called Jack Colback across for a quiet word, really to help him out more than anything, and Colback bitched and moaned about it so much for so long he ended up talking himself into a yellow card. Harrison Ashby, whose only fight shown all season has been trying to get his watch into every photograph, started trying to headbutt people at 4-0 down with ten minutes left to play. Look, if I’m going to the Stadium of Light next week, you are too.

A sad way to go out for a lot of these players, particularly Jimmy Dunne who swept the board at the player of the year awards and collected his various trophies before kick-off. That was richly deserved for a great servant through tough times. Being part of this against his former club really wasn’t. A shame.

And, it seems increasingly likely, the manager. Marti Cifuentes held his boy by the hand and walked the pitch at full time waving apparent farewells and touching his heart. His situation, the rumour and counter rumour, the club leaking like a sieve, is an increasing, unedifying mess. Ego driven on all sides, disrespectful to the club and its long-suffering support.

Last week’s story in The Sun about his relationship with Christian Nourry being so unbearable that Cifuentes might resign and walk away altogether felt to me likely leaked by the Cifuentes side. You could do that to alert clubs to your availability just as attractive Championship jobs come up at West Brom, Swansea and Norwich. You could do it to try and get an early shot in the blame game, show you’re a good manager working with a hand tied behind your back. You might want to get it out while there are still games left to see if the fans are minded to react as they did in the Stoke home game and save your arse again, possibly with some more much needed intervention from Ruben Gnanalingam. Or you could do it as a final fuck you, kyboshing whatever carefully and expensively PR’d and choreographed post season announcement about “mutual consent” they may have had planned.

This, or something else, or nothing at all, you can’t really then get trounced 5-0 at home. A sad way to go out, if that’s indeed what it turns out to be.

I’d say now we wait for some white smoke, but then this week that’s probably inappropriate.

Links >>> Photo Gallery >>> Ratings and Reports >>> Message Board Match Thread

QPR: Nardi 3; Dunne 4, Morrison 4, Edwards 5 (Fox 90, -), Paal 2; Varane 4, Colback 4; Ashby 3 (Andersen 86, -), Madsen 2 (Chair 46, 5), Dembele 3 (Frey 46, 4); Kolli 3 (Sutton 59, 5)

Subs not used: Bennie, Walsh, Morgan, Min-Hyeok

Yellow Cards: Edwards 50 (foul), Colback 64 (dissent, moronic), Ashby 82 (sticking the nut on somebody while 4-0 down, moronic), Frey 89 (persistently being Michi Frey)

Burnley: Trafford 7; Roberts 8, Egan-Riley 7, Esteve 9, Pires 7; Brownhill 7 (Ramsey 84, -), Cullen 7; Koleosho 8 (Redmond 83, -), Mejbri 7 (Sarmiento 59, 8), Anthony 8 (Laurent 75, 7); Flemming 9 (Barnes 84. -)

Subs not used: Edwards, Hladký, Sonne, Worrall

Goals: Cullen 9 (unassisted), Flemming 20 (assisted Mejbri), 28 (assisted Brownhill), Sarmineto 62 (assisted Flemming), 90+2 (assisted Redmond)

Yellow Cards: Mejbri 8 (foul), Cullen 45+1 (foul)

QPR “Star Man” – Ronnie Edwards 5 That handsome bastard will be glad to be out of this slop. Standing ovation for a loan player, destined to play against us for somebody else next season. That’s how good he’s been, but also where we are.

Referee – James Linington (Isle of Wight) 8 After the absolute circus of our Easter games, what a blessed, welcome relief to have a grown up back in the room here.

Attendance – 16,977 (1,800 Burnley, again shambling across two tiers for reasons I’m sure are absolutely fine and nothing to worry about) Who's the constant? The 1,000 idiots going to Sunderland next week, who sell out at home every week, who pack away ends, who haven't voiced a word of protest or disdain, who stuck around here to clap a fucking lap of honour even after this shambolically recruited nonsense team lost 5-fucking-0 at home. We've got a fantastic, vocal group of young people following our club now, creating atmosphere, packing the place out, travelling away. It's wonderful to see. They deserve better. Us old twats who've done every game since the war also deserve better. What reward do they get? An abysmally run club, controlled and piloted by people unfit.

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Pictures - Ian Randall Photography

062259 added 03:08 - Apr 28 Thanks
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Marshy added 14:48 - Apr 28 Burnley were everything we’re not. They were fitter, stronger, faster and had more skill and vision. They looked a real team, whilst we looked a complete shambles. From what I saw I think they will do ok in the Premiership. I wasn’t impressed with Nardi. I’m not saying he was entirely at fault for each goal, but he didn’t exactly cover himself in glory nor has done throughout the season. Maybe it’s time to give Joe Walsh a chance in goal, and get a few quid for Nardi. It’ll be really interesting to see all the ins and outs this summer, but hopefully Marti won’t be one of them.

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HastingsRanger added 19:16 - Apr 28 A very accurate reflection of a poor result. Whilst Burnley were a decent team all round, the space afforded to them at times was awful. I appreciate our team was weakened but really. The inability to get up field till the second half was shocking to see. If we are going to play out from the back, we need to be prepared for pressing and give options. It happened in the Swansea game and again it just became a case of how many seconds before we gave it back to them, probably from a hoof. The only highlight of the game was the build up and finish by Colback. Outstanding save denied him. Fully agree with you on the need for all players to make that trip to Sunderland! So, who are we hanging onto next season? If I was one of the decent players or manager, would I stay? Shorter season but a long summer.

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Geoff78 added 19:22 - Apr 28 Rangers were bad. We know against aggressive ,skillful teams we fold. But as Clive said Burnley were exceptional and I don't think that was just because we started with Madsen and Dembele and rolled over so easily. I know about injuries and turmoil at the club, but doesn't Marti have to be held to account for the number of times we haven't showed up this season? I love the guy and want him to stay, but there have been too many occasions when we've just let teams walk all over us.

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Stevenpetercox added 07:42 - Apr 29 Clive your pain is our pain, brilliant journalism. Feel sorry for Marti , having to field such a weakened side against Burnley was a lambs to the slaughter scenario all day.It also heavily underlined just how poor some of our players are in the heat of battle against decent hard working players in this league, This Burnley side will struggle in the Premier League, but good luck to them as at least they will all be trying together as a team to stay up, unlike this group of Rangers players who's squad core nucleus is fine but it's supporting cast of players is woefully not good enough for this league. I think Marti has performed a minor miracle keeping us in the Championship.

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snanker added 09:36 - Apr 29 "I’d say now we wait for some white smoke, but then this week that’s probably inappropriate." Love it when you just can't help yourself CW. Marti is as good as gone if he has any sense because he certainly has the ability to achieve better. QPR soap opera
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extratimeR added 15:30 - Apr 29 A grim afternoon Clive, well done for putting a piece in that credits a very good Burnley side, ( the reason they don't play like this every week is Parker), another Manager with courage would throw this talent forward into every game home or away. Amazing last year 4.0 against Leeds this year Manager gone, relegation ahead. Great piece Clive, ( as usual). Cheers!
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ManxRanger added 21:51 - Apr 29 I agree with your comments about Burnley. Their pace of play, one and two touch football, very few wasted passes and cutting through our defence as if it wasn't there really was a joy to behold. Mainly (and sadly) because it reminded me of how we used to play many years ago and l do feel blessed to have been around to see it.
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Spanishal added 09:06 - Apr 30 Max ranger could not agree more .(the minus 1 should have been a + oops) I also remember the days when we played like that and I agree Burnley were actually a begrudging joy to watch. Now with Marti leaving in such a shambolic manner , we wonder why we bother to support a club that allows these managerial disputes to continue year after year.
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