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Marti and Regina's family saga continues 11:02 - Jun 29 with 755 viewsjustthisonce

Marti was a great father. Us children loved him. We had a song we'd sing for him and he waved. But he was a bit of a feckless husband to Regina, our mum. There were other women, clandestine trysts in obscure northern towns. Mum's much younger friend, Nigel, whispered in her ear that that wasn't right and Regina threw Marti out and now she's divorced him.

The children are very sad about this although some of us said he deserved it but the rest of us wondered about their parentage and mum's “friend”. Now mum's got a spring in her step, given to a lot of oh la la’s. Tapas is out and heavy meals with rich sauces are in. We know the signs; we’re getting a new dad. Nigel says it’s just what she needs but we do worry about her choice of men though. She has history.

There was a nice bald bloke who talked in riddles but our brother, Clarence, explained what he meant and made us laugh and we thought everything was fine. But mum got bored, she wanted excitement and he was toast.

Then she shacked up with an appalling cockney, odd looking but we checked the register and it was all fine. We had an exciting couple of months together, lots of treats and talk about family values. Then he started going to Scotland a lot and eventually I think he just forgot to come back but every now and again he says how much he likes us which is nice
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Then there was a bloke who I think ran funfairs in Blackpool but after a couple of months with us (and a rest; mum's very hard on her men) he and mum had words and he went back to his slots. Then came a stetson, cowboy boots and guitar combo who mum had had a bit of a thing with in the past. Never do reheats is what I say. He had quite a puritan approach to family life and I think mum aspired to something more than being repeatedly told that we were lucky to have food on the table. It ended badly. He was an arresting sight even when he arrived but he practically left through the front door on a gurney. Then Marti and now he’s gone. Big sigh… and so good looking too ( if a little short)

Apparently mum’s asked the new one to move in but Nigel’s handling it all so we don’t really know the details. Mum’s got a really rich dad but he's a bit fed up with Regina’s antics and pays Nigel to look after everything including husbands (well there’s a retired uncle as well who we think mooches around with a clay pipe and opines to Nigel but is clever because he once worked in obscure northern towns and found out about Marti’s trysts. He‘s also American which mainly involves having a badge on your lapel, endlessly checking that that your ticker’s tickety-boo and being congenitally unstable). We don’t really like Nigel not least because he’s really rude to Clarence. Clarence is the children’s spokesman and he suffers so we don’t have to. We worry that it all might get too much for him but he spent time in Grimsby and upgraded to Corby so we think he has deep reserves of resilience and anyway Peroni can’t afford to see him fail. Nigel feels that too much information is a bad thing and for that reason the younger children are not told what school they are going to because if it get’s out that might increase demand and the fees might go up which is a bad thing. Also he’s not big on birthdays because the children can then work when they’re going to school and start asking questions which is also bad. We think this is not right and Clarence is not happy.

But we have to be careful as Nigel is Regina’s rich dad’s man. The last time we started complaining about the family money men the eminence grise at the time, something in the record business, got the hump and walked off in a huff but not before selling off the garden. It all went pear shaped up after that , we were nearly homeless, until the family was saved by a bonkers Bristolian. Another of mum’s exes as it happens so who says reheats can’t work. But that’s another chapter in Regina’s big book of disasters . So it’s a big old bonjour to new dad. Be nice to Clarence, wave, talk sexily in foreign and you’ll be fine. It won’t actually save you in the end, mum’s bed head fretsaw extravaganza is testament to that, but we’ll love you. Possibly.
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Marti and Regina's family saga continues on 11:16 - Jun 29 with 675 viewsBristolR

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