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Well if I do apply to either of those organisations I will be sure to ask you for a character reference.
As a QPR fan the mid-seventies were great. We had our best team ever and we were playing the best and most entertaining football in the land.
There's plenty of old-timers still knocking around other clubs who will tell you that QPR side was probably their second favourite team after their own club.
But as an English football fan the seventies were dire.
We failed to qualify for the 74 and 78 World Cups and had to settle for watching it on TV as the Jocks humiliated themselves both times.
Wee Willie Johnson getting sent home in disgrace from Argentina for doping. Now that was funny
"I have the worst record on Superstars: seven points. It still stands to this day. We filmed it down in Northampton at an army base. They were disgusted with me right the way through. I wouldn't do any weights. I told them I had a bad back. I was like f*cking Arthur Daley: "No, no, that's not for me." The only points I got were in swimming. I dead-heated with JPR Williams, the rugby player. He was about 16 stone and I was about 11.
I did the canoeing; the canoe overturned. In the shooting I shot the table. You had to fire at a target with real ammunition. I had never fired a gun in my life. F*ck it: I missed the target I don't know how many times. You were supposed to lift the gun up, put it back down on the table, lift it up again and then fire. But when I put it down again it nearly blew the table in half.
I'd been out with James Hunt the night before and I had a right hangover and it just went off. A hair trigger, you see? I know what that is now. I didn't know that at that time and I won't forget it either.
The presenter David Vine was interviewed on Parkinson and he was asked who was the best athlete to ever compete on Superstars. He said, "Well, that's debatable. But I can tell you who was the worst, Stan Bowles." I did it as a joke. It was just a f*cking day out. You had to do a bit of training there, three days. It was a joke to me. But the army were really disgusted."
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