| Southampton General Hospital... 11:04 - Oct 10 with 1685 views | 1885_SFC |
14 hours in A&E overnight after getting covered in camouflage paint.
And I still haven't been seen.
* It's Friday, so sod off all of you... |  |
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| Southampton General Hospital... on 11:41 - Oct 10 with 1594 views | TripleNiemi |
My friend works as a road sweeper. I asked "What qualifications do you need for that job?"
He replies, "None, you just pick it up as you go along" |  |
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| Southampton General Hospital... on 12:58 - Oct 10 with 1509 views | dirk_doone |
14 hours sounds about right. I was waiting that long with a severed artery. It was a bloody long wait. [Post edited 11 Oct 9:42]
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| Southampton General Hospital... on 13:02 - Oct 10 with 1495 views | SonicBoom |
Just read a fascinating book about the history of glue.
I couldn't put it down. |  | | |
| Southampton General Hospital... on 13:06 - Oct 10 with 1489 views | 1885_SFC |
Another question I've always pondered...
Do race horses slow down when they see police horses? | |
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| Southampton General Hospital... on 17:26 - Oct 10 with 1328 views | LondonSaint76 |
| Southampton General Hospital... on 13:06 - Oct 10 by 1885_SFC |
Another question I've always pondered...
Do race horses slow down when they see police horses? |
Talking of race horses, a mate of mine nearly won the Grand National but ended up finishing third. On the run in he was hit on the head by a terrene of salmon, then by a side of ham, a jar of caviar, assorted pickles, two baguettes and finally by a bottle of champagne.
He was hampered in the final furlong… |  |
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| Southampton General Hospital... on 17:34 - Oct 10 with 1325 views | InTimeAddedOn |
To the man on crutches dressed in military camouflage who stole my wallet
You can hide but you can’t run! |  | | |
| Southampton General Hospital... on 08:44 - Oct 11 with 1029 views | City_boy |
My wife and I have just made a difficult and emotional decision that we don't want children.
If anyone does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow ! |  | | |
| Southampton General Hospital... on 10:35 - Oct 12 with 716 views | GRIM |
I went to the Doctor & told him that I keep thinking I'm invisible.
He said, sorry but I can't see you today.
I also said to him that I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains & he just said pull yourself together.
My mate went to same Doctor because he kept thinking he was a Billiard Ball & the Doctor told him to get on the end of the cue.
(Sad, but the old jokes are always the best). | | | |
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| Southampton General Hospital... on 17:13 - Oct 12 with 596 views | InTimeAddedOn |
| Southampton General Hospital... on 10:35 - Oct 12 by GRIM |
I went to the Doctor & told him that I keep thinking I'm invisible.
He said, sorry but I can't see you today.
I also said to him that I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains & he just said pull yourself together.
My mate went to same Doctor because he kept thinking he was a Billiard Ball & the Doctor told him to get on the end of the cue.
(Sad, but the old jokes are always the best). |
A few more old ones for you
My mate went to the doctor and said I keep thinking my c0ck is a steering wheel and it’s driving me nuts.
When I was young I wanted the game Operation for Christmas, I had to wait three years for it…
Every time my mate farted it sounded distinctly like a Honda moped. He went to the doctor who examined him and said you’ve got an abscess that’s causing the problem. My mate said OK, but why do I sound like a Honda moped? The doctor said it’s because of the old Chinese proverb - abscess makes the fart go Honda 😀 | | | |
| Southampton General Hospital... on 12:33 - Oct 13 with 416 views | City_boy |
I decided to do a good deed today and donate some of my clothes to those in need and starving.
My wife said to me. anyone who fits your clothes is not starving ! | | | |
| Southampton General Hospital... on 09:32 - Oct 15 with 100 views | saint901 |
Man calls police - please come out and help me, there's a man in my shed and I think he's trying to steal my garden equipment.
Police: I understand sir, is there any threat to you or is this just petty larceny?
Man: I think he is harmless, but he's taking my possessions.
Police: I'm sorry sir, but we have very limited resources and the soonest we can get to you will be in about ten hours.
Man: But you can come now and catch him in act!
Police: Not with our present resources sir.
A little while later, the man calls the police back.
Man: there was a man stealing my possessions from my shed. I called you about him. Don't worry now though because I've shot him and I think he's dead.
Within five minutes, there are five police cars, armed response, detectives and family liaison pulling up outside.
They find the burglar alive and well if a little overwhelmed by the number of police.
Police to man: Sir, I thought you said you had killed this thief?
Man to police: I thought you said you had no resources! | | | |
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