| Southampton General Hospital... 11:04 - Oct 10 with 2697 views | 1885_SFC |
14 hours in A&E overnight after getting covered in camouflage paint.
And I still haven't been seen.
* It's Friday, so sod off all of you... |  |
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| Southampton General Hospital... on 11:41 - Oct 10 with 2597 views | TripleNiemi |
My friend works as a road sweeper. I asked "What qualifications do you need for that job?"
He replies, "None, you just pick it up as you go along" |  |
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| Southampton General Hospital... on 12:58 - Oct 10 with 2521 views | dirk_doone |
14 hours sounds about right. I was waiting that long with a severed artery. It was a bloody long wait. [Post edited 11 Oct 9:42]
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| Southampton General Hospital... on 13:02 - Oct 10 with 2507 views | SonicBoom |
Just read a fascinating book about the history of glue.
I couldn't put it down. |  | | |
| Southampton General Hospital... on 13:06 - Oct 10 with 2501 views | 1885_SFC |
Another question I've always pondered...
Do race horses slow down when they see police horses? | |
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| Southampton General Hospital... on 17:26 - Oct 10 with 2340 views | LondonSaint76 |
| Southampton General Hospital... on 13:06 - Oct 10 by 1885_SFC |
Another question I've always pondered...
Do race horses slow down when they see police horses? |
Talking of race horses, a mate of mine nearly won the Grand National but ended up finishing third. On the run in he was hit on the head by a terrene of salmon, then by a side of ham, a jar of caviar, assorted pickles, two baguettes and finally by a bottle of champagne.
He was hampered in the final furlong… |  |
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| Southampton General Hospital... on 17:34 - Oct 10 with 2337 views | InTimeAddedOn |
To the man on crutches dressed in military camouflage who stole my wallet
You can hide but you can’t run! |  | | |
| Southampton General Hospital... on 08:44 - Oct 11 with 2041 views | City_boy |
My wife and I have just made a difficult and emotional decision that we don't want children.
If anyone does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow ! |  | | |
| Southampton General Hospital... on 10:35 - Oct 12 with 1728 views | GRIM |
I went to the Doctor & told him that I keep thinking I'm invisible.
He said, sorry but I can't see you today.
I also said to him that I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains & he just said pull yourself together.
My mate went to same Doctor because he kept thinking he was a Billiard Ball & the Doctor told him to get on the end of the cue.
(Sad, but the old jokes are always the best). | | | |
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| Southampton General Hospital... on 17:13 - Oct 12 with 1608 views | InTimeAddedOn |
| Southampton General Hospital... on 10:35 - Oct 12 by GRIM |
I went to the Doctor & told him that I keep thinking I'm invisible.
He said, sorry but I can't see you today.
I also said to him that I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains & he just said pull yourself together.
My mate went to same Doctor because he kept thinking he was a Billiard Ball & the Doctor told him to get on the end of the cue.
(Sad, but the old jokes are always the best). |
A few more old ones for you
My mate went to the doctor and said I keep thinking my c0ck is a steering wheel and it’s driving me nuts.
When I was young I wanted the game Operation for Christmas, I had to wait three years for it…
Every time my mate farted it sounded distinctly like a Honda moped. He went to the doctor who examined him and said you’ve got an abscess that’s causing the problem. My mate said OK, but why do I sound like a Honda moped? The doctor said it’s because of the old Chinese proverb - abscess makes the fart go Honda 😀 | | | |
| Southampton General Hospital... on 12:33 - Oct 13 with 1428 views | City_boy |
I decided to do a good deed today and donate some of my clothes to those in need and starving.
My wife said to me. anyone who fits your clothes is not starving ! | | | |
| Southampton General Hospital... on 09:32 - Oct 15 with 1112 views | saint901 |
Man calls police - please come out and help me, there's a man in my shed and I think he's trying to steal my garden equipment.
Police: I understand sir, is there any threat to you or is this just petty larceny?
Man: I think he is harmless, but he's taking my possessions.
Police: I'm sorry sir, but we have very limited resources and the soonest we can get to you will be in about ten hours.
Man: But you can come now and catch him in act!
Police: Not with our present resources sir.
A little while later, the man calls the police back.
Man: there was a man stealing my possessions from my shed. I called you about him. Don't worry now though because I've shot him and I think he's dead.
Within five minutes, there are five police cars, armed response, detectives and family liaison pulling up outside.
They find the burglar alive and well if a little overwhelmed by the number of police.
Police to man: Sir, I thought you said you had killed this thief?
Man to police: I thought you said you had no resources! | | | |
| Southampton General Hospital... on 11:41 - Oct 17 with 865 views | 1885_SFC |
I met Phil Spector's brother Crispin the other day.
He's head of quality control at Walkers. | |
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| Southampton General Hospital... on 16:14 - Oct 17 with 765 views | InTimeAddedOn |
| Southampton General Hospital... on 11:41 - Oct 17 by 1885_SFC |
I met Phil Spector's brother Crispin the other day.
He's head of quality control at Walkers. |
Apparently the first thing CS did was sack a group of rebel workers who kept pi@@ing in the crisp packets just before they were sealed up at the end of the production line.
The rebels weren’t worried, they all went and got jobs at Golden Wonder 😀 | | | |
| Southampton General Hospital... on 12:12 - Oct 18 with 556 views | Berber |
I used to enjoy the golden showers on bonfire night, now it is just one big bang and it’s over. |  |
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| Southampton General Hospital... on 12:02 - Oct 24 with 206 views | 1885_SFC |
Never go out in the pouring rain wearing bell bottoms.
I did - and now they're ringing. | |
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