| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 977384 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:16 - Jun 29 with 3326 views | Esox_Lucius |
đđđ
53,000 Geordies meet in St James Park for a "Geordies Are Not Stupid" convention.
Alan Shearer addresses the crowd: "We are all here today to prove to the world that Geordies are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer please?"
Gazza gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. Shearer asks him "What is 15 plus 15?" After 20 seconds
Gazza says "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then the Geordies start chanting "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"
Shearer says "Well since we have a capacity crowd, world-wide press and global broadcast media here, I think we can give him another chance. So he
asks "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds Gazza eventually says "Ninety?"
Shearer looks down and lets out a dejected sigh. Everyone is disheartened and Gazza starts crying. But then the 53,000 Geordies begin to yell and
wave their hands shouting "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"
Shearer, unsure whether he is now doing more harm than good eventually says "OK, what is 2 plus 2?" Silence hangs over the stadium.
Gazza closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says "Four?"
Pandemonium breaks out throughout the stadium as the Geordie crowd stand, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream
"Give him another chance! Give him another chance!" |  |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:23 - Jun 29 with 3324 views | stowmarketrange |
| Corny Joke Warning on 19:16 - Jun 29 by Esox_Lucius |
đđđ
53,000 Geordies meet in St James Park for a "Geordies Are Not Stupid" convention.
Alan Shearer addresses the crowd: "We are all here today to prove to the world that Geordies are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer please?"
Gazza gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. Shearer asks him "What is 15 plus 15?" After 20 seconds
Gazza says "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then the Geordies start chanting "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"
Shearer says "Well since we have a capacity crowd, world-wide press and global broadcast media here, I think we can give him another chance. So he
asks "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds Gazza eventually says "Ninety?"
Shearer looks down and lets out a dejected sigh. Everyone is disheartened and Gazza starts crying. But then the 53,000 Geordies begin to yell and
wave their hands shouting "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"
Shearer, unsure whether he is now doing more harm than good eventually says "OK, what is 2 plus 2?" Silence hangs over the stadium.
Gazza closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says "Four?"
Pandemonium breaks out throughout the stadium as the Geordie crowd stand, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream
"Give him another chance! Give him another chance!" |
Sorry I meant to upvote. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 18:28 - Jun 30 with 3092 views | Esox_Lucius |
My wife said âis it just me or is the cat getting fat?â I said âno itâs just youâ & now sheâs not talking to me, any ideas what I did wrong? | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 01:23 - Jul 2 with 2909 views | Boston |
I just watched an old BBC documentary about cannibalism.
Didn't enjoy it, they were full of themselves. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 06:13 - Jul 2 with 2826 views | PlanetHonneywood |
Gazza and Waddle are in a restaurant back in Newcastle. A fellow diner comes up to Waddle and says, 'I fcuking hate you!' The pair look bemused and the diner adds, 'You left the Toon, fcked off to London, then fancy bollix goes to France, and your penalty at Italia 90 was an absolute disgrace. I fcuking hate you!'
The diner turns to Gazza and says, 'I don't know what you're laughing at you fciking waste of space. You to fcuked off to Spurs with that prat Five Bellys, you swan around like a reet fat bastard and you cry like a baby at Italia 90 and when you come back ya piss head, you go to fookin Boro. I hate you more than Waddle!'
The pair leave and go elsewhere. Around midnight, Waddle offers Gazza a lift and as they're passing a nightclub, they spot their abuser in the queue. 'Howay Chrissie, slow the car doon' says Gazza. Whereupon he undoes his trousers, slides the window down and just as they go past their abuser, Gazza moonies him out the window.
The abuser sees this and shouts out, 'And you Peter Beardsley are an ugly bastard, too!' |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 17:44 - Jul 2 with 2715 views | acricketer |
A young woman starts her new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.
The first is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds.
As she does this a huge fish jumps out and bites her. To show who is boss, she beats it to death with a spade.
Realising her employer won't be very pleased she disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.
Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, she is
attacked by the chimps that pelt her with coconuts.
She swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both.
What can she do?
Feed them to the lions, she says to herself, because lions eat anything... She hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.
She moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South American Bees.
As soon as she starts she is attacked by the bees. She grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now she knows what to do and shovels them into the lions cage because lions eat anything.
Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo.. He wanders up to
another lion and says,
"What's the food like here?"
The lions say: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had ....
Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 17:53 - Jul 2 with 2698 views | colinallcars |
When Labour formed the NHS after the war, some benefits were introduced a year or two later.
One was free spectacles for pensioners.
One night my dad was in the pub when the publican yelled out at closing time âright, let's 'ave yer glassesâ
My dad said, â blimey, are the Tories back in ?â |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 15:46 - Jul 4 with 2350 views | Boston |
What's worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:09 - Jul 4 with 2327 views | izlingtonhoop |
| Corny Joke Warning on 15:46 - Jul 4 by Boston |
What's worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis. |
I don't know.
But i just stepped in a poodle.. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 16:47 - Jul 4 with 2289 views | Boston |
| Corny Joke Warning on 16:09 - Jul 4 by izlingtonhoop |
I don't know.
But i just stepped in a poodle.. |
What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
Fowl weather. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 17:26 - Jul 4 with 2255 views | Ghost_on_the_Westway |
Honeymoon Period.
Just my fcking luck. |  |
| I need a SAGA. Whatâs the SAGA? Itâs âŚ.. Queenâs Park Rangers. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 17:34 - Jul 4 with 2246 views | Boston |
That joke deserves a standing ovulation. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:58 - Jul 5 with 2067 views | Myke |
What award is given to the best 'knock, knock' joke? The Nobel prize. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 13:33 - Jul 5 with 2018 views | elnombre |
| Corny Joke Warning on 11:58 - Jul 5 by Myke |
What award is given to the best 'knock, knock' joke? The Nobel prize. |
is it this one:
Frappe-frappe!
Qui est la?
Lost
Lost qui?
Oui. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 10:47 - Jul 6 with 1852 views | Lblock |
No doubt already been done but topicalâŚâŚ.
My missus shouted at me âAre you ever going to stop listening to OASIS songs all bloody day and nightâ
I said maybeâŚ.. |  |
| Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:16 - Jul 6 with 1799 views | izlingtonhoop |
| Corny Joke Warning on 10:47 - Jul 6 by Lblock |
No doubt already been done but topicalâŚâŚ.
My missus shouted at me âAre you ever going to stop listening to OASIS songs all bloody day and nightâ
I said maybeâŚ.. |
How do you know when it's Oasis soup?
You got a roll with it... | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 20:26 - Jul 6 with 1640 views | Lblock |
Me âI pulled a stunning Welsh girl on holiday in Ibiza but I canât remember where she was from back here and I want to track her downâ
Private Investigator â Bangor? â
Me. â Bit of a personal question but yes I did, from behindâ | |
| Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 08:05 - Jul 9 with 1374 views | Ghost_on_the_Westway |
I saw that Gary Kasparov in my local greasy spoon the other day. I asked him to pass the salt and it took him 20 minutes. | |
| I need a SAGA. Whatâs the SAGA? Itâs âŚ.. Queenâs Park Rangers. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:49 - Jul 9 with 1211 views | Esox_Lucius |
My wife asked me this morning if I could get her a couple of Wimbledon tickets for her and her mate. It took a few hours but eventually I managed to get a pair for their opening game against Lincoln. I didn't even know she liked football. [Post edited 9 Jul 19:51]
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| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:46 - Jul 10 with 916 views | CateLeBonR |
What do you get if you cross a potato with a nuclear reactor?
Fission Chips. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 19:49 - Jul 15 with 598 views | willesdenr |
Man comes home to find his mate shagging is wife, so stabs the fecker to death. His wife says "carry on like that and you'll have no mates left". | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 11:02 - Jul 21 with 190 views | Esox_Lucius |
I borrowed a vvinyl audio recording named Sounds Wasps Make. When I started listening to it, I thought to myself that this isn't wasp sounds. Then I realised that I was listening to the B side. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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